Va obrir els ulls. Tenia molt mal de cap. No sabia on era ni coneixia cap d’aquelles tres persones que el miraven de molt a prop amb cara de sorpresa. «Estàs bé?» li van preguntar.
Ell es va incorporar. Sentia que s’ofegava, volia respondre, però notava una punxada al pit que no el deixava respirar. Després d’uns moments agafant tot l’aire que podia, va poder establir una primera conversa breu amb aquells estranys.
Tampoc li van poder aclarir massa coses. Cap dels quatre sabien què hi feien en aquella mena de cel·la. Tots s’havien despertat com ell, que havia estat l’últim en fer-ho, completament desubicats. Coincidien amb el fet que la nit anterior s’havien estirat al llit, cadascú a casa seva, per dormir, i sense cap explicació s’havien trobat en recuperar la consciència entre aquelles quatre parets grises, envoltats d’una foscor que quedava diluïda per la tènue llum que arribava des del passadís, a l’altre costat de les reixes que els retenien.
Ara que els quatre estaven desperts, van asseure’s per parlar i trobar algun punt en comú que els permetés entendre alguna cosa.
Eren un electricista, una metgessa, un empresari i una caixera de supermercat. Les edats eren entre els vint i pocs i els gairebé seixanta. A grans trets, tots quatre es van definir com a persones que tenien una vida normal. Feina, parella, amics, fills, i un llarg etcètera que seguia fil per randa els cànons de vida més comuns de la societat on vivien. Res d’especial.
L’electricista, que era el més jove de tots, es va començar a posar molt neguitós. No podia suportar la sensació d’estar tancat i encara menys sense saber-ne el motiu. De tant en tant, al fons del passadís s’intuïen algunes ombres que es movien. Va cridar, va sacsejar la porta agafant ben fort els barrots però les figures fosques que, de tant en tant, es veien projectades a la paret no es van ni immutar.
Els altres tres el van intentar calmar. Era qüestió de temps que acabessin sabent què estava passant. No servia de res perdre els nervis.
Es van asseure a terra, en rotllana. No es coneixien de res, però la situació era tan estranya i incerta que entre tots quatre es va teixir una confiança sorprenentment intensa. La caixera va explicar que era mare d’una nena de tres anys i que que s’acabava de separar. El seu ex era addicte a les addiccions. Tant li feia drogues, com alcohol, com tabac, com joc o tot alhora… Semblava que no, però li havia demostrat que la combinació plena era possible i el resultat eren unes pallisses que només van tenir una pausa durant l’alletament del nadó. El mateix dia que la criatura que va començar a menjar sòlid, els insults i els cops de puny van tornar. A partir de llavors, aquella última esperança que s’havia gestat amb la preciositat que havia sortit del seu ventre es va esvair agònicament en un llarg període de «perdona’m, no ho tornaré a fer, soc un imbècil, no et mereixo…», uns dies de treva amb flors, regals i totes les atencions, fins que, finalment, el cicle tornava a començar amb atacs de violència desfermada.
Aquella forma de sincerar-se va remoure alguna cosa en l’ambient d’aquella cel·la. L’empresari va prendre la paraula. Ell era el més gran dels quatre. No li faltava gaire temps per jubilar-se. Era un home d’èxit. Vivia en una casa amb piscina, tenia dos cotxes de luxe, un veler, els seus fills estudiaven a les millors escoles privades… S’havia passat la vida mirant amunt, desitjant sempre una mica més. Però va arribar un dia que tot es va començar a complicar just quan semblava que la vida començava a fer baixada. La generació de jovenets que estaven cridats a rellevar-lo a l’empresa empenyien amb molta força, més enllà d’una ambició saludable. Es dedicaven a intentar deixar-lo en evidència davant dels accionistes. Entre bromes, deixaven anar comentaris que donaven a entendre que ja s’havia fet gran i que ja no era sinònim de màxim benefici, més aviat al contrari, l’acusaven d’anar gas a fons cap a les pèrdues. Aquella estratègia ja li havia costat diverses comissions i el pitjor de tot, la pèrdua de confiança. Ell, amb el que havia estat, feia un any que estava assegut en un despatx mirant el rellotge mentre esperava que telèfon sonés. Era el primer cop que compartia amb algú aquella frustració que tant l’angoixava i no va poder evitar posar-se a plorar.
Les llàgrimes de l’empresari van remoure la metgessa. Ella era una eminència en la seva especialitat. Era la reina del quiròfan. Havia tingut una llarga llista d’espera de pacients que venien des d’arreu del món expressament per posar-se a les seves mans. Justament, encara no feia un any que per primer cop va tenir l’experiència d’una intervenció que no havia anat bé. El que havia de ser un tràmit es va anar complicant des del primer instant fins que el to de la pèrdua total de les constants vitals van anunciar que no se n’havien sortit, ni el pacient ni ella com a cirurgiana. Des d’aquell dia, la seva vida es va convertir en un infern d’insomni, antidepressius, i ansietat. Qui li ho havia de dir? Ella, després de tants anys, de tantes lliçons magistrals que havia donat a la facultat, ara es veia amb totes les pors d’una resident inexperta, totalment incapaç d’agafar un bisturí.
Les mirades es van dirigir cap a l’electricista. Ell, en un primer moment, va respondre a aquells tres desconeguts amb un posat de sorpresa. Què esperaven? Una confessió també? Ell era solter, un tio senzill, que es passava el dia treballant i que quan podia sortia a divertir-se amb els col·legues. No tenia res a amagar. Els altres tres, però, de forma inexplicable, es van mostrar convençuts que l’electricista amagava alguna cosa. Mentre havien despullat els seus sentiments davant d’uns desconeguts, ell sempre s’havia mantingut com al marge. Però per alguna raó tots quatre havien aparegut en aquella presó estranya, sense cap explicació. Estaven convençuts que la clau per sortir-ne havia d’aparèixer per algun lloc i l’actitud passiva i un punt hostil de l’electricista no hi ajudava gens.
Les bones paraules, es van convertir en súpliques i la conversa va acabar pujant de to fins a la discussió. L’electricista es va encarar amb l’empresari i mentre forcejaven va caure a terra una fotografia. La va recollir la caixera, hi sortia l’electricista somrient al costat d’un altre noi idèntic a ell. Tenia un germà bessó? Aquella pregunta va torpedinar el mur emocional que durant tanta estona havia estat construint. Es va ensorrar i va confessar. Feia tot just un any que el seu germà havia desaparegut. Durant tot aquell temps, a banda de buscar-lo, plorar-lo i trobar-lo a faltar, no podia deixar de preguntar-se per què? Van néixer junts, havien crescut junts i sempre havien tingut un vincle especial que els havia convertit en un tot únic fins que de sobte, d’un dia per l’altre, l’altre meitat s’havia esvaït. Només va deixar una nota on li demanava perdó, li desitjava molta sort en el futur i que no s’esforcés en buscar-lo perquè no el trobaria mai més. No entenia res ni tampoc no sabia ni per on començar aquella nova vida en solitari. Sempre s’havien tingut l’un a l’altre. Jugant de petits, estudiant de més grans, compartint il·lusions i desenganys, creixent i madurant i quan havia arribat el moment de desplegar les ales plegats, l’havia deixat completament sol. Les seves llàgrimes van fer remullar de nou les galtes dels altres tres que escoltaven commoguts la història d’aquell home.
De sobte, la caixera ho va deixar anar: «Ja ho tinc! No ho veieu? Ens uneix la por. Ja pot ser el meu ex, els jovenets de la teva empresa que t’estan enfonsant, el pacient que es va morir a les teves mans o el teu germà bessó que, pel motiu que fos, va decidir desaparèixer. Jo tinc por del futur que m’espera a mi i a la meva filla. Tu tens por de sentir-te un inútil en la recta final d’una carrera plena d’èxits. Tu no saps com tornar al quiròfan perquè no et pots treure del cap aquell maleït to de la manca de constants vitals. I tu? Tu tens por d’una nova vida sense ell».
La cara els va canviar quan va sonar un timbre afònic i la porta de la cel·la es va obrir.
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