Sempre havia somiat anar-se’n a viure al camp. Després d’estar quasi vint anys en un pis minúscul a la gran ciutat s’havia cansat de sentir les discussions dels veïns, les pudors del camió d’escombraries i d’haver de pujar les escales fins al sisè perquè el simpàtic de l’àtic sempre es deixava oberta la porta de l’ascensor.
Quan va sentir la campanya per repoblar zones rurals que estaven quedant abandonades s’hi va tirar de cap. Una de les poques coses bones de la maleïda pandèmia era que per fi podia teletreballar sense semblar que s’estigués escaquejant. A més, també donaria un cop de mà en algunes classes a l’escola rural i organitzaria activitats al casal d’avis. A canvi, s’instal·laria en una preciosa casa de poble de dues plantes, moblada i amb un jardí a la part posterior. Quinze dies és el temps que havia passat des que havia pres la decisió i ja enfilava per la carretera amb el cotxe carregat rumb cap al seu somni.
El primer matí va entrar al forn a comprar el pa. Estava ple de gent xerrant però tothom va callar de sobte en veure’l. Ell es va posar a la cua en silenci. Quan va ser el seu torn va demanar una baguet i un croissant. La dependenta el va ignorar i es va posar a atendre la persona que anava darrere seu. Una velleta que estava a la cua, li va dir en veu baixa que provés de dir: “Bon dia”, a veure què passava.
Va ser pronunciar aquestes paraules i tothom es va girar. El van mirar fixament uns instants i es va trencar el silenci que s’havia imposat des que ell havia entrat. La dependenta li va dir amb un somriure d’orella a orella: “Bon dia! Què desitja?”
Va sortir capficat amb aquella estranya experiència però no va voler donar-hi massa importància. Va tenir una idea: Aniria a fer un tomb amb el cotxe. Pujaria a dalt de tot de la muntanya més alta de la vall per respirar l’aire pur de la seva nova vida. Només sortir del poble es va trobar amb un tractor enorme davant seu. Després d’una eternitat, va aconseguir avançar-lo en una maniobra més que arriscada. Immediatament després es va trobar amb un cotxe vell que anava tan lent com el tractor. No va aconseguir passar-lo fins al tercer intent perquè els revolts infernals d’aquella carretereta gairebé no donaven cap opció. Per fi podia conduir al seu ritme i començar a gaudir d’aquell moment tan desitjat. L’alegria, però, només li va durar uns minuts. Es va haver d’aturar completament davant d’un ramat d’ovelles que ocupava els dos carrils. Va fer sonar el clàxon amb tota la seva ràbia i els animals es van espantar. Instants després va ser ell qui es va endur un bon ensurt en sentir uns cops terribles al sostre del cotxe. Semblava que s’hagués d’enfonsar. Va sortir i es va trobar cara a cara amb el pastor mirant-lo amb els ulls encesos de ràbia. La mateixa que ell havia tingut feia uns segons. Després d’uns instants de silenci, aquell home rabassut va xiular per ordenar al gos que fes tornar totes les ovelles cap al mig a la carretera.
Ell es va resignar. No volia començar amb mal peu la nova vida, va fer mitja volta i se’n va tornar al poble. De baixada, es va trobar amb el cotxe vell i amb el tractor de cara. Els dos conductors el van saludar amb la mà i un gran somriure carregat de mala baba.
Va decidir que es mereixia un homenatge. El primer dinar seria al restaurant del poble. El cambrer anava amunt i avall sense parar i no el va atendre fins que no va deixar anar un “Bon dia” semblant al que havia dit al forn. Llavors sí, en un moment es va asseure a taula. Quan va llegir el menú, però, se li va caure el món als peus. Cargols? Callos? Peus de porc? Carn, carn i més carn. Feia més de cinc anys que era vegetarià. Després d’una llarga negociació amb el cambrer, va aconseguir una amanida verda. L’hi va portar amb tot de tonyina per sobre. Ell es va quedar de pedra. En un nou estira i arronsa, va poder convèncer el cambrer perquè li portés una altra amanida i aquest cop sense tonyina. En menys d’un minut li va servir exactament el mateix plat, només s’havia limitat a treure-li el peix però encara quedava algun trosset. L’enciam i els tomàquets estaven banyats amb l’oli de la conserva de la tonyina. Va deixar el plat sense gairebé ni tocar-lo, va pagar i va marxar cap a casa.
Faria una migdiada a veure si li passava el mal humor. Ja s’havia endormiscat quan els miols d’un gat que rondava pel jardinet el van desvetllar. Va fer mitja volta per intentar posar-s’hi bé, però la persistència de l’animal el va acabar fent aixecar. Va baixar les escales, va obrir la porta i l’animal es va colar a dins de casa. El pànic el va envair davant del malson que estava a punt de viure. Era al·lèrgic al pèl de gat. La persecució de l’intrús es va complicar per culpa dels esternuts continuats. Finalment, però, va aconseguir fer-lo fora.
Com que ja no dormiria, va pensar que sortiria a caminar, allà on fos, ho necessitava. Just quan va tancar la porta es va adonar que s’havia deixat les claus a dins. Només li faltava això.
Va anar al bar del poble a demanar ajuda. El primer que va fer en entrar va ser dir “Bona tarda” als únics clients que hi havia, un grup d’avis que jugava a la botifarra. Els va demanar si coneixien un manyà que visqués a prop i un dels vells quasi cau de la cadira de l’atac de riure que li havia agafat.
Un quart d’hora després, els quatre avis estaven a la porta de casa seva intentant obrir la porta. No callaven. Li van explicar que a la seva nova casa hi havia mort més d’una persona en estranyes circumstàncies. Ell va somriure per no engegar-los. No tenia cap necessitat de saber allò. Després de dues hores de tertúlia i deu minuts de feina, la porta es va tornar a obrir. El primer que faria el dilluns seria una còpia de les claus.
Només tenia ganes de sopar i anar-se’n a dormir. Potser per començar aquella nova vida necessitava un segon o un tercer reinici. En el moment d’acomiadar-se, els avis li van dir que aquella nit al restaurant hi havia ball com tots els dissabtes. Ell no va saber què dir-los de manera que la resposta, de nou, va quedar en un somriure.
Va tancar la porta i es va posar una copa de vi. Després de donar-hi moltes voltes, va arribar a la conclusió que el millor que podia fer era anar a treure el nas al ball.
El restaurant estava ple fins a dalt. Ell, només entrar, va veure com tothom callava i es girava per mirar-lo amb atenció. Sense pensar-s’ho va deixar anar un «Bona nit» a ple pulmó i tothom, sense excepció, es va posar a aplaudir.
Després de sopar, els cambrers van enretirar totes les taules i un dels avis que havia conegut a la tarda jugant a la botifarra es va posar darrere de la taula de mescles per fer de DJ. Portava ulleres de sol, una gorra de costat i un escuradents a la boca. Es va sorprendre perquè l’home va posar tota mena de cançons, de les d’abans i de les d’ara. Allà, al restaurant, hi era tot el poble sense excepció: Vells, adults, joves i nens. Aquell punxadiscos descontextualitzat va demostrar que tenia repertori per a tothom.
Va parlar amb molta gent, també amb el conductor del tractor, el del cotxe vell del matí i fins i tot amb el pastor hostil. Després d’entomar diversos comentaris irònics, se’ls va guanyar convidant-los a unes copes i acceptant que havia d’aprendre a conduir per aquella carretera amb més calma. No seria el primer que se n’anava barranc avall.
L’endemà el soroll de trets el van despertar de cop. No recordava ni com havia arribat a casa la nit anterior. Li rodava el cap. No sabia si era per la ressaca o perquè s’havia incorporat d’un bot o potser per totes dues coses alhora. Va treure el cap per la finestra i es va trobar diversos homes i dones del poble, vestits de camuflatge, que estaven caçant just al costat de casa, on començava el bosc. No eren ni les vuit del matí d’un diumenge. Se’l van quedar mirant en silenci i ell va deixar anar un lacònic “Bon dia” acompanyat d’un somriure hipòcrita.
Mentre es dutxava, va arribar a la conclusió que no estava fet per viure allà. Per sort, no havia obert ni una caixa. Les va començar a carregar al cotxe de nou quan van aparèixer els quatre avis. Mentre un parell el cosien a preguntes, els altres dos van desaparèixer.
Quan ho va tenir tot carregat, es va acomiadar d’aquells dos pesats i va posar en marxa el cotxe. No va anar gaire lluny perquè es va trobar tot el poble bloquejant la carretera, fins i tot hi havia el maleït gat! Es va aturar i es va posar a riure. Va veure molt clar que volien que es quedés, malgrat tot, i va entendre que era el primer pas per adaptar-se a una nova nova vida.
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