Es va llevar amb els ulls una mica inflamats. No hi va donar cap importància, va pensar que durant el dia tot s’aniria posant al seu lloc. El seu pronòstic, però, va resultar ser totalment erroni i aquella molèstia just a sota del llagrimal es va anar intensificant. Després de sopar, es va mirar al mirall i va veure que tenia molt mal aspecte. Se’n va anar d’urgències. Després de diverses proves, a l’hospital li van receptar una pomada que s’havia de posar cada vuit hores. En principi, feia pinta d’una infecció i amb tres o quatre dies de tractament tot havia de tornar al seu lloc.
L’endemà es va llevar amb una picor tan intensa que gairebé li feia mal. Havien començat a formar-se-li unes bosses fosques a la part inferior de l’ull que l’envellien, així, d’un dia per l’altre, uns deu o quinze anys. Feia molta angúnia. Va seguir amb el tractament confiant que en qüestió d’hores començaria a notar alguna millora.
Estava mirant una pel·lícula al sofà de casa quan va descobrir que hi havia una part dels subtítols que no podia llegir. No veia les frases de la segona línia. Es va incorporar una mica i llavors van aparèixer. Es va adonar que les inflamacions de sota dels ulls continuaven creixent i començaven a tapar-li lleugerament el camp de visió. Des que havia començat el tractament, l’única millora que havia notat era que aquella picor infernal semblava haver remès. Se’n va anar a dormir sense esperar a veure el final i això que la pel·lícula era d’aquelles d’intriga que tenen girs de guió constants fins a l’últim fotograma.
En despertar, li va costar grans esforços obrir els ulls. Després de força estona, va aconseguir que les parpelles s’aixequessin fins aconseguir que les seves pupil·les percebessin la llum de l’exterior a través d’una fina escletxa. Caminant amb els braços oberts per evitar xocar amb les parets va aconseguir arribar al menjador, amb prou feines podia veure la forma de les coses com si fossin ombres . En algun lloc havia de tenir el telèfon mòbil. La nit anterior li devia haver caigut pel sofà. Va aixecar els coixins i amb les mans va anar palpant tots els raconets però no el va trobar. De sobte, el va sentir. Algú l’estava trucant. Quina sort! Guiant-se per l’oïda i ensopegant amb tot de coses que no sabia què eren ni què hi feien allà al mig va anar avançant pel passadís fins que la musiqueta del mòbil va callar. Tot era massa fosc. No hi veia gens. El problema dels seus ulls s’estava agreujant a tota velocitat.
Va tornar a obrir els braços. El tacte i la memòria l’havien d’ajudar a moure’s fins a la porta del pis. Trucaria al veí de l’altre costat del replà. No havien tingut mai cap relació però la situació començava a ser desesperada. Va fer un pas, un altre i després un altre. De mica en mica va anar avançant fins que va ensopegar i va caure a terra. Es va donar un cop molt fort al cap. La foscor es va acabar d’apoderar de la seva consciència.
Va recuperar el coneixement una estona després, no sabia si havien passat deu minuts o bé deu hores. Li feia molt mal el cap i ara ja, definitivament, no podia obrir gens els ulls, estaven completament segellats. Amb les mans va intentar separar les parpelles però per molta força que fes, el seu camp de visió estava absorbit pel negre més absolut.
No es va deixar dominar pel pànic que emergia de la part més profunda del seu cervell. Es va entestar en continuar arrossegant-se cap a on fos. Sentia que havia perdut del tot l’orientació. Recordava que estava al passadís, això sí. Va apostar per tirar cap a un dels dos costats possibles i la va encertar. Després d’uns metres que van semblar quilòmetres, amb les mans palpava el pany de la porta del pis. Un cop a fora, no va ser gaire complicat arribar a l’altre costat del replà on vivia el veí. Feia poc que s’hi havia traslladat i només havien intercanviat un parell de monosíl·labs a l’ascensor. No tenia temps per a les presentacions i ja deixaria per a més endavant tots aquells rituals de convivència amb regust de pel·lícula barata de televisió d’un dissabte a la tarda. Necessitava ajuda. AJUDA!! És tot el que va poder cridar quan va sentir que s’obria la porta.
El veí, en sentir el crit, es va posar a cridar també. No entenia res, potser s’havia espantat. Ell va optar per canviar el to i llavors la persona que vivia a l’altre costat del replà simplement es va quedar en silenci. Li va explicar tot el que li havia passat i que necessitava anar amb urgència a l’hospital. El silenci es mantenia. Com podia ser? El sentia respirar, el sentia a prop i no feia res per donar-li un cop de mà? Quina mena de veí li havia tocat? Per molt mala persona que fos, no es podia compadir d’una persona que suplicava ajuda? Es va enfadar i va pujar el to de veu. En fer-ho, va sentir com la porta es tancava, això sí que no. De nou va afluixar i va demanar disculpes. Va repetir una vegada i una altra que no hi podia veure, que tenia una estranya patologia, no sabia dir-li quina, però que havia apagat els seus ulls temporalment i que si no rebia atencions mèdiques amb urgència potser la ceguesa acabaria sent definitiva.
Verbalitzar aquella por va desencallar alguna cosa dins seu i va començar a plorar. La desesperació ja quedava en un segon pla i l’únic que li quedava era fer brollar llàgrimes d’impotència davant de la inacció del veí. Allà, a terra, als peus d’un desconegut a qui suplicava ajuda i que no feia res per donar-li un cop de mà es va sentir més vulnerable que mai. En aquell moment, sentia que la seva vida estava a les mans d’una persona estranya. Tan estranya que la seva indiferència anava en totes direccions. Ni l’ajudava ni semblava que fes res per aprofitar-se’n. Simplement seguia allà dempeus sense dir res.
Mentrestant, plorava desconsoladament. Aquella sensació d’angoixa va portar-li els records de quan havia perdut la mare. Es va adonar que ja havien passat més de vuit anys i encara no havia plorat per ella. I quan es va separar? L’amor de la seva vida, d’un dia per l’altre, li va dir que marxava i se’n va anar. Després de vint anys, s’havia esvaït. Tot havia anat tant de pressa que tampoc havia estat capaç de vessar ni una llàgrima.
«La vida continua, la vida és bonica i encara has de donar gràcies». Quantes vegades s’havia repetit aquell mantra? Era igual, per molt que el terra s’ensorrés als seus peus, continuava i continuava… Però i els sentiments? I la pena? I el plorar totes aquelles pèrdues que en fer-se gran es multiplicaven? No tenia cap resposta, només llàgrimes. Per molt que intentés parar, era incapaç. Intentava dir alguna cosa, ni que fos per disculpar-se davant d’aquell desconegut però els sanglots se li amuntegaven a la punta de la llengua fins que es convertien en sons inintel·ligibles.
Va sentir com l’abraçava ben fort. No va dir ni una paraula però aquell gest va acabar d’enderrocar l’última presa que retenia tantes llàgrimes retingudes malgrat totes les tristeses acumulades en tants anys. Va perdre la noció del temps però aquells braços i aquell respirar tranquil i conciliador es van mantenir fins que va notar que ja ho havia plorat tot, que ja havia fet net amb el seu interior i no havia deixat res pendent. Llavors, va sentir com els ulls havien deixat de pesar i, com si no hagués passat res, senzillament els va poder tornar a obrir.
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Surviors embody her daughter; Carolyn Yowell, and son Robert Conn and wife Jeanette, sister-in-legislation; Peggy Blake, 5 grandchildren; and 5 nice grandchildren.
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Survived by two sons, Robert L and Eugene Draper, each of Wilbur; two brothers, Willis L Draper, Heyburn, Idaho; Ward Draper of Wilbur, WA; one sister, Mrs Mariam Bagley of Govan, WA; 8 grandchildren; 4 great grandchildren; quite a few nieces and nephews.
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