L’últim dia

Era el seu últim dia a la feina abans de jubilar-se. S’havia passat tota la vida treballant d’infermera a la secció de nounats del mateix hospital. Les havia vist de tots els colors. En aquells gairebé quaranta anys s’havia fet un fart de riure i un fart de plorar.

Quan explicava les coses que havia viscut, tothom sense excepció li deia que s’havia de ser d’una pasta més que especial per invertir la major part de la vida en una feina on les emocions extremes són a flor de pell en tot moment.

Quan es va llevar, es va mirar al mirall i es va prometre que havia de ser un gran dia. Portaria un esmorzar generós per a tothom, es faria un fart de xerrar i, en la mesura del possible, treballaria el mínim, només per acomiadar-se dels companys mentre feia les tasques que havia repetit una vegada i una altra durant tants anys.

Ja en arribar la van rebre amb aplaudiments. Era una institució dins de l’hospital i aquell era el dia dels homenatges. Els regals, els parlaments i una petita festa sorpresa la van acabar de desbordar. Tenia els ulls vermells de tantes emocions… Quina manera de plorar. A la seva edat i amb tot el que havia viscut!

Es va reservar l’última mitja hora per anar a veure «els seus nens». Era gairebé l’hora de plegar, l’hora de marxar de l’hospital i no tornar-hi com a infermera, com a molt, a partir de llavors seria com a pacient… Pensar això li provocava un vertigen enorme, creia que no podia tenir una sensació més estranya.

Allà estaven. Una trentena de nadons exposats darrere d’un enorme vidre, cadascun a dins de la seva incubadora lluitant per sortir allà a fora on els esperava una vida assedegada d’experiències. Gairebé quaranta anys després, seguia quedant-se embadalida a l’altre costat del vidre. Era espectacular imaginar-se’ls de grans. Com serien? Com tantes i tantes vegades havia fet en tots aquells anys, va tancar els ulls i va respirar profundament i va desitjar que la màgia d’aquell moment li quedés gravada a la memòria.

Llavors va obrir els ulls i va veure que alguna cosa havia canviat. Mirava els nadons i se li reproduïen tot d’imatges al seu voltant. Al costat d’un preciós nen, que havia nascut feia gairebé un mes i seguia amb la batalla per sobreviure, hi havia la figura etèria d’un home amb una mirada sinistra. Ella es va espantar quan va veure que ell s’apropava fins el vidre i, amb els ulls injectats amb odi, es va passejar el polze de costat a costat de la gola fent-li entendre que li volia tallar el coll. Ella va apartar la mirada i l’home es va esvair. Va pensar que devia ser una conseqüència de tantes emocions o potser de la tercera copa de cava que no hauria d’haver begut.

Va tornar a tancar els ulls, va respirar a fons i quan els va obrir va fixar la mirada en una nena grassoneta que estava a punt de marxar amb la seva família. Li havien de donar l’alta aquell mateix dia. Llavors va veure una dona borrosa que estava abocada a sobre de la incubadora. Va aixecar el cap de cop i volta i també la va mirar fixament. Sense ni una paraula, només amb aquells ulls, li va transmetre que a sota dels seus peus hi havia un abisme invisible de tristesa per on queia i queia en un buit que semblava no tenir un final. Es va posar de genolls i va ajuntar les mans com si li estigués suplicant ajuda.

Què estava passant? Havia de ser un dia especial però allò anava massa enllà… Va sortir corrents al lavabo. Li rodava una mica el cap fins que es va remullar intensament la cara amb aigua freda. Es va tornar a mirar al mirall i va sospirar profundament. De camí a neonatologia, va esquivar com va poder totes les companyes i els companys que se li apropaven per desitjar-li el millor per aquella jubilació, aquella nova vida que, com «els seus nens», estava a punt d’inaugurar.

Va tornar a posar-se a mirar des del vidre i va veure com la sala de cures intensives de neonatologia era plena de persones que deambulaven amunt i avall, sense vestit estèril ni mascareta. Allò vulnerava tots els protocols. Era un perill per a totes aquelles petites criatures que feien esforços titànics per respirar, per fer que el seu cor no deixés de bategar o senzillament per aconseguir deixar anar un tímid plor per dir que tenien gana.

Desesperada, va apartar la mirada i va veure tot de persones al seu voltant. Hi havia companys seus que seguien amb la pel·lícula de la seva jubilació i li deien coses que era incapaç d’escoltar però també hi havia familiars i amics de les mares i el pares de tots aquells nadons mirant a través del vidre, com feia ella, però amb la diferència que somreien i assenyalaven amb esperança la criatura que havien anat a visitar per donar-li la benvinguda a la vida ni que fos des de lluny.

Somreien. Ningú estava sorprès per aquella multitud de persones que hi havia allà a dins. Una companya, de les de tota la vida, que només li quedaven cinc anys per jubilar-se com ella, se li va posar al costat. Mirava cap a aquelles incubadores i somreia plena d’orgull. Li deia que no patís, que tot seguiria com fins aleshores, que havia deixat un llegat que ella personalment s’encarregaria de transmetre per no perdre la bona direcció que neonatologia tenia gràcies a la seva dilatada experiència.

Ella la mirava amb sorpresa i mirava a l’interior de la sala. No la veia gens estressada ni sorpresa, cosa que la va acabar de deixar fora de combat. Amb indirectes i subtileses va aconseguir que li descrivís què veia i les seves sospites es van fer realitat. No veia res d’estrany, res que no hagués vist el dia anterior o trenta anys enrere. La multitud es passejava al seu aire per allà a dins i semblava que ningú més, a part d’ella, era capaç de percebre-la?

Va sortir corrents a llàgrima viva. Les companyes i els companys la intentaven aturar però ella necessitava sortir de l’hospital amb urgència. Quan finalment va sentir el soroll del carrer, es va posar les mans als genolls i va fer tot el possible per recuperar l’alè. Quan ho va aconseguir, va començar a caminar en direcció al metro.

Ho va entendre tot quan es va creuar amb una mare que passejava orgullosa un cotxet amb els seus dos bessons recent nascuts. A banda i banda, va veure com dos homes idèntics discutien a crits mentre la mare caminava feliç i tranquil·la com si no existissin. Existir, potser encara no existien, però es va adonar que d’alguna manera ella podia veure la llavor en el que s’acabaria convertint la seva existència.

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